RAMWrites

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  • RAM Writes the Sixth

    I know, I know, it’s been days since I posted, I’m sorry.

    But I did warn you with my very first post, re the terms and conditions, that frequent posting is not guaranteed.

    I’ve been doing bits, and also not doing bits, and it’s been great. My annual leave is coming to an end, back to work on Monday. So, how did I spend my last few days?

    Well, as you know, my MIL was here, she left yesterday (Thursday), and my partner was very sad leading up to her departure, and before seeing her off at security. I hear you ask, how was it having your MIL staying with you for 3 weeks? I will answer honestly.

    A mixed bag.

    She is a lovely woman, didn’t take over the house, nor have any bad habits. Communication was a struggle, with her having no English, and me minimal Spanish. But we got by.

    What I struggled with is, I felt like I wasn’t comfortable in my home. Like having an additional person there, I was acting differently, as was my partner – but for different reasons. I honestly think I would feel this way for any guest staying that long, not just his mother. Even if my mother was here for that long, I’d feel uncomfortable at home.

    Part of it was my partner also, and how he acted. Now, he is very close to his mother, which is fine for the most part. But I felt sometimes that he prioritised her, sometimes even at my expense (not financially, of course). But the biggest problem I felt, was his tendency to go to the gym for more than two hours, and leave us home alone together – he expected me to wake up early with his mother, on my time off, to make sure she didn’t have breakfast alone.

    To clarify, for my current job, I commute 2 hours each way, leaving the house at 6.30AM, returning 7.30PM, so catching up on sleep was high on my AL To-Do List. So if I wanted to sleep passed 10AM on a day where we had no trip planned, I’m entitled to, right?

    Tell my why I was expected to accommodate his mother, but not him? Why couldn’t he go to the gym earlier, while the rest of us were still asleep? Or even do shorter sessions, knowing the two women in his life are sitting at home struggling to communicate with each other?

    Why is it not OK for me to eat without his mother, for example making sure she has breakfast or lunch with someone, but it’s fine if they don’t wait for me to eat? We had an argument about this – I wanted to know why it mattered what time I wake up on a day with no plans (cause he had a mopey face on him). He said it’s not fair for his mother to eat alone. Not the next day, we were preparing lunch together – his food was a quicker prep than mine. He didn’t time it so we’d eat together. So I’m halfway through my prep, and him and his mother are sitting down munching away.

    So it’s not about us all eating together, it’s about his mother eating alone. So one ‘rule’ for me, and another for them? How is that fair?

    I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

    I just wanted to be left to my own devices.

    I was the one expected to drive us everywhere – fine, I am the fully licensed driver, it makes sense, I’ll do it.

    We set a plan, let’s stick to it.

    But my days off are my days off – don’t expect me to fill in for you, because you decided to go to the gym for two hours at breakfast time. YOU should amend YOUR schedule to accommodate your mother being here, not me.

    I’m very conscious of the future to be honest. The plan is to move his mother here eventually, once we have our own house sorted. But she is absolutely not living with us. I will stand firm on that. She is not living in our house with us, no way. Ideally, she will live nearby, or we will build a granny flat for her to live on property – just not IN the house with us.

    And I hope to god she will not be there everyday, visiting.

    My partner is very different around her. But also not.

    Obviously, I know it’s hard for him to live so far away from her, barely gets to see her every year. So I have no issues with her coming to visit for longer periods, because she’s family. But I just need him to be more accommodating in changing his schedule, not mine.

    And when she moves here, they can see each other more often. I just hope it’s not every day. Because we need our time too. We are a couple. We are building our lives together. It’s me and you- not me, you and your mom.

    To summarise, the woman herself is fine. The long term visit is 50/50. The actions of my partner were my main issues.

    Over the other few days just passed, visited Kilkenny Castle. Such a lovely town, the castle is €8 entry at the gate, you can also book private tours online. We did gate tickets and self-guided tour through the castle. The history is very interesting, with connections to the English Royal lineage, and even Anne Boleyn! We liked the town so much, we researched properties and jobs – what if we move to Kilkenny?

    No. The houses are expensive. The jobs for us, scarce.

    We’ll stick with where we are for now.

    In other news, I passed my college course. I am officially a college graduate. I’m so proud that I did this. It’s hard to get back into education as an adult. And having passed, and with a good grade too, I feel accomplished.

    I will celebrate this tonight, with many rums. As I deserve.

    Today is June 27th – I have no further updates for now. But there is some changes coming up for me soon.

    I will try not to leave so much time between posts next time – no promises though!

  • RAM Writes the Fifth

    Me, Myself and I.

    Today was the first day of my annual leave. What did I do to kick it off, you ask? Well, by being a taxi-service for my other half. I drove him and his mother to the airport at 3am, so they could catch their 6am flight to Rome, Italy. I was, of course, invited when the trip was being booked. However, I didn’t have the required funds readily available – and couldn’t have my partner cover the cost for 3 people.

    Admittedly, I am jealous that I’m not there. The culture, the architecture, the food – ugh the food, I’m jealous of that. However, it will be good for the two of them to spend time together. They hardly get to see each other once a year, so the time they spend together, should mean as much as possible. My partner is very close to his mother, talks to her at least twice daily by video call. I’ll give them their time together.

    So today, having fallen asleep at 7am – ish – I woke up around 1pm. A quick breakfast, and I took myself off to town for a coffee date with my thoughts. I’m always thinking about my future, personally, professionally, relationship-wise.

    I have a plan for my life. I want a house, I want kids. I want to progress with our relationship status, frequently discussing engagement with my partner. He’s not always thought of marriage as a proclamation of love or unity. He feels it doesn’t change what a relationship is. Where he grew up, he’s seen couples separate, parents divorce, or one moves out permanently. Including his own parents.

    He doesn’t think marriage makes a family. And honestly, neither do I. Marriage does not define a family. But it does define a relationship. I believe marriage is a proclamation of unity, of choosing that person as your person, forever. I’m not naive. I know that just because you get married, doesn’t mean you’ll never break up. I know divorce and separation are common occurrences. And nobody gets married, anticipating divorce.

    For me, when I think of relationships, more specifically my relationship, I want progression. I don’t want to hit 40 years old and still have the girlfriend title. I want the next stage. My partner and I have been a couple more than 4 years, dating nearly 5 years. We have been living together for more than 3 years.

    That means, for us, we’ve been at the same stage for at least 3 years – a couple living together. And our journey has been a struggle for the bulk of this time. We met during Covid, so date locations were limited, with our first date August 2020. We moved in together December 2020 – not by choice. Too early for my preference, but circumstances led to it.

    I would have preferred taking more time to know each other before moving in together. For me, it was too soon for us. We come from different cultures, and we were on different courses in life. I was working my way up the career ladder, and he was in classes to learn English. And we weren’t ready to be with each other every day.

    But we stuck together, worked our way through our differences and disagreements. And I think we’re all the stronger for it, now living in our 3rd property together – our first rental without other tenants. Our own place. And we’re the happiest we’ve been.

    He’s finally managed to find professional work. I’ve become successful in my career, did some college courses and have gotten a new job locally. Everything is falling into place.

    But our relationship still feels the same.

    I don’t want to force him. But I want the next step. It’s a tricky subject to discuss, without disagreements occurring or pressure building.

    We talk engagement and kids. He doesn’t want to have kids away from his family. He wants to wait until his family have relocated to Ireland – which is our eventual plan. But we don’t know when that will be. And I don’t want to put my life on hold until then. What if that’s 5 years from now? Or longer?

    We need to build our life together. And we need to do it on our terms. Nobody else should dictate when we set our plans. It’s our lives, our future, our kids (to be).

    I know what you’re thinking – typical woman, looking for a ring and the white wedding. And to be honest, women can want that if they want. Me, I want something simple. For a while, I was thinking, let’s get our house first, with a big garden, then we can get married in the garden, a small ceremony and a party to celebrate. Now however, I’m leaning more towards elopement. Travelling a few countries, getting married while away, and then having a party to celebrate with family and friends.

    And with that, I don’t even want the wedding right away. I want the engagement. And then we take a few years to save for the trip/wedding.

    Engagement. Kid. House. Wedding. That’s my plan anyway – hopefully within a 3 to 4 year period.

    Today is June 16th, 2025, and that was a deep-dive into my thoughts on my relationship.

  • RAM Writes the Fourth

    What a few days it has been! The week has been a busy one, so the blog posts have suffered, I apologise – yet again…

    I got the job! Received and accepted the offer early in the week. I am so happy. My new job is local, an 8 minute drive from my house. I will regain 4 hours a day from my commute. I can join local clubs and classes, finally get a social life and make new friends.

    I handed in my notice on Tuesday. I wasn’t nervous about it. I’ve always had a good relationship with my manager, I’ve never felt uneasy about approaching him with office problems or process improvement ideas. And, he was aware that I was struggling with the commute and would likely look for work closer to home.

    He was happy for me, but did say devastated to lose me. And the timing wasn’t great, as my two weeks annual leave was about to start, and he’s also about to start himself – he’s going to get married so alot on his mind, and then I spring this on him.

    But I have to do what’s best for me.

    The day I leave will be 6 weeks shy of being 6 years there. A long time there. I have had a good experience there: had alot of progression opportunities, I had great mentorship from my manager, and other colleagues, I was able to improve my education, worked on internal process improvements, and liaised with external stakeholders. For me, my time with the organisation has been positive.

    And I stated as such in my resignation notice to the CEO. Throughout the remainder of the week, the news trickled across the teams, as it often does. A few colleagues and team managers reached out to me, expressed they’re sad to see me go but delighted for me also.

    Since I submitted my notice, I’ve been looking forward. Considering the new things I can do, the hobbies I’ve wanted to get into but couldn’t commit to because of my commute. I feel I will be more energised without the commute, so am ready to take on new things.

    Theatre – I want to get into performing, auditioning either for the local theatre, or singing group, whoever has auditions first I guess. Now, I’m no Beyonce. But I do enjoy Car Karaoke – hitting high notes is not guaranteed, words and conditions apply*. But I don’t need to be centre-stage. I just want to have fun.

    Gym – I need to get back into focusing on my fitness. Pre/Mid-Covid, I was on my fitness game, hitting the gym 3 to 4 times a week, sticking to the calories, cooking delicious low-carb meals. I want that again. There’s a hotel right beside my house that has a gym/pool facility – I miss swimming. There’s also some lakes nearby that I’m planning to swim in. But not without the proper gear – I want those swim shoes to protect my feet, and a wetsuit of sorts (not the heavy thick ones) for better cold/sun protection. But I also still wanna look cute! Priorities.

    Spanish classes – My partner’s first language is espanol. I understand un poco (a little), but after 4 years together, I think it’s high time I knuckled down and started learning. Now, I know there’s mobile apps for learning languages, but owls can only teach you so much, and at some point, the need to say I want apples is outgrown. So getting official lessons, for conversational Spanish, reading Spanish and writing Spanish. I’m better at understanding than creating – so with my MIL here at the moment, when they’re talking to each other (at the speed of light), I can understand the general conversation, picking up words here-and-there. But I cannot engage beyond words. I’m struggling to make sentences. And I want to be able to.

    Weekends – I want my weekends back. Before I was commuting, my partner and I would go somewhere most weekends, spend time together outside of the house, exploring places locally and further away. I want that again. Since the commuting started, I just didn’t have the energy for all that when the weekends came around. And sadly, it definitely affected our relationship. We bonded over these trips when we first started dating. And I feel to blame for losing that. We are a strong couple, we have fought and survived many, many obstacles in our time together. So it’s a priority for me to get back the thing we bonded over.

    Now, I’m just about to start the new job. So I’m not about to dive head-first into all these things. I do need to settle in the new position. However, with the summer months, I will dabble in a few of them. I guess I want to challenge myself a little, with the goal of health improvement and making friends. But I don’t want to over-challenge myself.

    But I’m excited for this next chapter. And I will bring you along with me, if you’re interested.

    Today is June 14th, first day of my Annual Leave, and count down to my last day in work before the new job. Let’s see what happens.

  • RAM Writes the Third

    Alot has happened in the last few days, hence the lack of posting. I apologise if you were hanging on with bated breath. Let me regale you with the tales of my last few days.

    I will start with the earliest piece of news, but first, some background. I used to live and work in Dublin. With Covid-19 and extortionate rental prices in the city, my partner and I had no choice but to relocate to a commuter town. What was an 8-hour work day with an easy commute, became an 8-hour work day, plus 2 hours commute either way. I have a hybrid arrangement, and work from home two days a week.

    The three days I commute, I am out of my house more than 12 hours – I leave my house at 6.30AM, and walk back in my door around 7.30PM. Needless to say, I am absolutely exhausted on my commuting days – no energy for socialising, exercising, adulting, none of it. Needless to say, I want to work locally. And have been applying for about a year, had some interviews, with no success. Until recently – and we’ll leave it there, until contracts are signed.

    Next of the news to share – my mother-in-law (MIL) is here visiting for the month of June. She arrived on the sixth. She connected through Paris – she disembarked her flight on time. But, Charles-De-Gaulle airport is like a maze. And she doesn’t have English or French. She got lost in Terminal 2 for more than 3 hours. By the time she made it to her connecting flight terminal, the connecting flight had taken off. We had to emergency purchase another flight 2 hours later. It was 3PM when she walked out of Dublin Airport, when she should have been her by 12PM.

    The next thing to happen was my partner’s car got vandalised. Someone keyed his car – 3 out of 4 sides. We drove the car Tuesday, no scratches. Friday, scratches. And the only car to be keyed. Feels deliberate to me, targeted even. So, we called the police, they asked me to go to the station to make an official report, which I did. I have never interacted with the police before this way. My experience with the police is crowd-control, patrolling and traffic checks. I presented my evidence, told the story, the reason I think it happened. The policeman said he would swing by on Monday to have a look at the car himself, but if there is no CCTV footage, we are unlikely to find out who did it.

    Today, day 2.5 of having my MIL, we went to an Irish heritage site nearby. It was extremely interesting, alot of stories about Tuath De Deanann, Eiru, all sorts of old Irish folklores. It was a great day, alot of walking – if you live in Ireland, or are visiting, I recommend looking up some of the heritage sites, found all over the country. A rental car is recommended, as the public transport here will get you to towns, not really to these sites.

    So yeah, it’s been an eventful few days. Today is June 8th, and I will keep you updated on the job front and the police report, as/if they progress.

  • RAM Writes the Second

    You know you’re getting old when you’re excited about purchasing new household items. That is me this weekend – excited about having new household items. Let’s do a run-down of the recent additions to my house that got me grinning like a maniac

    Let’s start with where I live. I live in a ground floor apartment, 2-bed, 1 bathroom, living room and small kitchen. I live with my partner, just the two of us, so plenty of space. Although, truth be told, I’d love more storage for my clothes and shoes. Sadly, there’s not much space left for more wardrobes or chest of drawers.

    We have lived here for just over a year. The apartment was mostly furnished when we moved in. We bought a desk, as I work from home twice a week, and my partner is a PC Gamer and watches YouTube quite a bit. So a new desk, a priority purchase. We were originally going to buy one from Amazon, however a skirmish into our local town and we found a similar desk in a local store for a similar price, so we opted for that – instant purchase, and my partner’s first DIY project (What a milestone!).

    Next item, it was a shoe rack. Mostly for me, as my partner owns about 4 pairs of shoes – I have quadruple that. This item wasn’t a new purchase. I had exactly what I wanted in my room in my parents house, so on a visit one weekend, I returned with a 10-shelf rack for shoes, now stored opposite our bed. There is a shelf or two that’s empty. So that means I have to shop for shoes to fill them – Yaay!

    Cut to 2 months ago, when the more recent purchases occurred. And my old-age excitement! Our bathroom, item number one. Up until recently, we were storing our bathroom supplies in bags, stored around the sink. I’d been keeping an eye out for a shelving unit, but I wanted a specific one. I wanted wood, I wanted it to have little wicker baskets, and I wanted it to fit other our sink.

    Two out of three ain’t bad. What I found was too tall to fit under the sink, but it did fit nicely along the wall between the sink and the toilet. I organised the drawers by priority – skincare in the top drawer, dental care next, etc. Then on top of the shelves, I put our mouthwash and morning skincare products. Easy access, convenient.

    We bought a cordless hoover, and I have never been more excited to do chores! It was €80, from Amazon. It’s hand-held, lightweight, and has good battery life, the whole apartment done twice in one charge, and is done fast. I’m an asthmatic. I’ve always avoided doing the hoovering – hoovering sends dust particles into the air, and I’d be suffering for hours afterwards. My partner would hoover when I was out of the house, so the particles were settled by the time I got home. With this new hoover, I don’t have that problem.

    The hoover I purchased is currently out of stock, however if you’re interested, here is an affiliate to a very similar product, with similar reviews and price https://amzn.to/4mHwopN

    Back to adulting updates…

    Today, we bought new clothes for my partner (a miracle in itself), and new lunch boxes. Very exciting! We have had the same set of boxes for more than 2 years, so it is about time we updated them. I commute for work, and my partner cycles to his job, so leak proof lunch boxes are the goal – you, the ones that clasp shut. These are yet to be tested, so I’m hoping they are good. When I tell you, I was buzzing with excitement for these as I searched the shelves for these.

    The only thing about lunchboxes is staining. I find it so hard to clean the pasta sauce stains from them. I’ve seen online that you can use dish soap and tissue paper to remove stains, but does this actually work?

    Anyway, I was far too excited with my purchase of new lunchboxes – my age is starting to show…

    The clothes, these were a good buy. My partner lives in trackies and gym clothes, so getting him to buy nice, adult clothes is a feat worthy of a trophy. Feel free to send me one!

    For my partner, date night outfits are trackies and his country football jersey. Or dinner with my partners, trackies and a gym tank top. So, when we do have plans for such events, I near have to force him to put on a pair of jeans and a nice t-shirt – something that’s clean, and he doesn’t wear to the gym, and without pit stains.

    So when he was agreeable to a new pair of slacks, a brown overshirt, and 3 decent t-shirts, I had to subdue my glee. Yes, this man is purchasing decent clothes! I internally did a jumping heel touch. He’s not the material type, doesn’t own alot of things – clothes-wise, our storage is 80% for me, 20% for him. It’s once in a blue moon he buys himself something.

    I have to be honest too, I wanted to shop also. I wanted to buy new shows, some comfy leggings, and some over-sized t-shirts for myself. But I didn’t. Today wasn’t about me and my purchases, it was for him.

    It’s June 2nd, bank holiday Monday. We both had today off – not everybody does. We will end the day with pizza, which I have been craving for more than a week – I’m so excited for it!

  • RAM Writes the First

    Hey,

    Call me RAM. I write, incase you haven’t guessed. But I’m just getting started. I’ve never been one to keep a diary – writing about myself has always felt very exposing, and feels to me like a DMC (Deep Meaningful Conversation), with me, myself and I. And while my own company is great, I’m also saddled with my own criticism, my own faults and my own doubt.

    Sure, alot of people find diary-keeping therapeutic – freeing up daily thoughts and concerns, condemning them to paper, to live out their final days as chicken scratch, while their owner moves on, free from their weight. But that’s not me – or wasn’t me.

    I’m not sure where this blog will go, what it will contain, or how devoted I will be to it. But I have been considering doing this for a while. So I guess we’ll see what comes out as I tap away on the keyboard. It won’t be updated daily, that’s for sure – at least not yet.

    Should we do a tidbit round-up about myself? Is that something that bloggers do? I don’t know. But I think it’s important to show you who I am, or as much as I can. I won’t be sharing identifying details. There are certain things I want to write about, because, like a diary, I’m hoping I’ll free up a mental load that I feel has been weighing me down, physically and emotionally. These things also concern personal close people in my life, and my professional life – so I want to maintain as much anonymity as possible, while balancing honesty, and I don’t want other people to be personally affected.

    Some things just can’t be aired openly, so I’m turning to this. My thoughts are my own, and I guess now they’ll be yours – to an extent. So, shall we dive in?

    Who am I? RAM.

    What do I do? I work in finance.

    Where am I from? Ireland.

    How old am I? You needn’t concern yourself with that. I’ll give you my birthday though, and you better remember it. February 23rd. A Pisces.

    Education? I am a Qualified Financial Advisor, with experience in lending and mortgages. I’ve just finished a Digital FinTech Management course, which was hugely interesting to me – focusing on Digital Transformation, how it affects consumers and internal operations. Also touches into AI use in the workplace, and digital products. Its a line of work I’d be interested in getting into.

    Hobbies? Writing. I really like to write, and want to get back into it (hence this blog). I’ve lost the drive for it recently – but we’ll get into that at a later stage. I like to game – nothing hardcore, very much a Pokemon, Mario, Legend of Zelda girlie. Currently replaying Tears of the Kingdom – really hope a sequel is released soon. Recently got a PS5, I’ve not found a game that I want to play on it yet, although my partner played all the God of War games he could get his hands on – he recently got Elden Ring, I look for to watching his countless deaths in the game, and relish in it, repaying his enjoyment of my deaths in Zelda. Colouring – I recently bought 3 colouring books, and as you well know I’m sure, when new colouring books are purchased, a brand new set of colouring pencils must accompany them. I’ve yet to complete one page of colouring (don’t judge me). Fitness – it’s not really my thing. I know I should, health is wealth and all that. And I did have a great stint of fitness commitment during Covid. But I slipped. I want to get back into it – I like weight-lifting and swimming. Cardio is the devil – running, skipping, ellipticals. No thank you. Where I live, gym options are limited. I want a gym that is open late-night, has classes included, and has a pool, all while being good value per month – is that too much to ask?

    With summer starting, I am making it a personal mission to get myself back on track: hobbies, health & fitness, relationship focus, and education training.

    Today is June 1st 2025. Quoting Troy and Gabriella, it’s the start of something new. And if you don’t get this reference, Google it and get to know.

    Woman on beach, splashing water.