RAMWrites

Tag: ireland

  • RAM Writes the Sixth

    I know, I know, it’s been days since I posted, I’m sorry.

    But I did warn you with my very first post, re the terms and conditions, that frequent posting is not guaranteed.

    I’ve been doing bits, and also not doing bits, and it’s been great. My annual leave is coming to an end, back to work on Monday. So, how did I spend my last few days?

    Well, as you know, my MIL was here, she left yesterday (Thursday), and my partner was very sad leading up to her departure, and before seeing her off at security. I hear you ask, how was it having your MIL staying with you for 3 weeks? I will answer honestly.

    A mixed bag.

    She is a lovely woman, didn’t take over the house, nor have any bad habits. Communication was a struggle, with her having no English, and me minimal Spanish. But we got by.

    What I struggled with is, I felt like I wasn’t comfortable in my home. Like having an additional person there, I was acting differently, as was my partner – but for different reasons. I honestly think I would feel this way for any guest staying that long, not just his mother. Even if my mother was here for that long, I’d feel uncomfortable at home.

    Part of it was my partner also, and how he acted. Now, he is very close to his mother, which is fine for the most part. But I felt sometimes that he prioritised her, sometimes even at my expense (not financially, of course). But the biggest problem I felt, was his tendency to go to the gym for more than two hours, and leave us home alone together – he expected me to wake up early with his mother, on my time off, to make sure she didn’t have breakfast alone.

    To clarify, for my current job, I commute 2 hours each way, leaving the house at 6.30AM, returning 7.30PM, so catching up on sleep was high on my AL To-Do List. So if I wanted to sleep passed 10AM on a day where we had no trip planned, I’m entitled to, right?

    Tell my why I was expected to accommodate his mother, but not him? Why couldn’t he go to the gym earlier, while the rest of us were still asleep? Or even do shorter sessions, knowing the two women in his life are sitting at home struggling to communicate with each other?

    Why is it not OK for me to eat without his mother, for example making sure she has breakfast or lunch with someone, but it’s fine if they don’t wait for me to eat? We had an argument about this – I wanted to know why it mattered what time I wake up on a day with no plans (cause he had a mopey face on him). He said it’s not fair for his mother to eat alone. Not the next day, we were preparing lunch together – his food was a quicker prep than mine. He didn’t time it so we’d eat together. So I’m halfway through my prep, and him and his mother are sitting down munching away.

    So it’s not about us all eating together, it’s about his mother eating alone. So one ‘rule’ for me, and another for them? How is that fair?

    I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not.

    I just wanted to be left to my own devices.

    I was the one expected to drive us everywhere – fine, I am the fully licensed driver, it makes sense, I’ll do it.

    We set a plan, let’s stick to it.

    But my days off are my days off – don’t expect me to fill in for you, because you decided to go to the gym for two hours at breakfast time. YOU should amend YOUR schedule to accommodate your mother being here, not me.

    I’m very conscious of the future to be honest. The plan is to move his mother here eventually, once we have our own house sorted. But she is absolutely not living with us. I will stand firm on that. She is not living in our house with us, no way. Ideally, she will live nearby, or we will build a granny flat for her to live on property – just not IN the house with us.

    And I hope to god she will not be there everyday, visiting.

    My partner is very different around her. But also not.

    Obviously, I know it’s hard for him to live so far away from her, barely gets to see her every year. So I have no issues with her coming to visit for longer periods, because she’s family. But I just need him to be more accommodating in changing his schedule, not mine.

    And when she moves here, they can see each other more often. I just hope it’s not every day. Because we need our time too. We are a couple. We are building our lives together. It’s me and you- not me, you and your mom.

    To summarise, the woman herself is fine. The long term visit is 50/50. The actions of my partner were my main issues.

    Over the other few days just passed, visited Kilkenny Castle. Such a lovely town, the castle is €8 entry at the gate, you can also book private tours online. We did gate tickets and self-guided tour through the castle. The history is very interesting, with connections to the English Royal lineage, and even Anne Boleyn! We liked the town so much, we researched properties and jobs – what if we move to Kilkenny?

    No. The houses are expensive. The jobs for us, scarce.

    We’ll stick with where we are for now.

    In other news, I passed my college course. I am officially a college graduate. I’m so proud that I did this. It’s hard to get back into education as an adult. And having passed, and with a good grade too, I feel accomplished.

    I will celebrate this tonight, with many rums. As I deserve.

    Today is June 27th – I have no further updates for now. But there is some changes coming up for me soon.

    I will try not to leave so much time between posts next time – no promises though!

  • RAM Writes the Third

    Alot has happened in the last few days, hence the lack of posting. I apologise if you were hanging on with bated breath. Let me regale you with the tales of my last few days.

    I will start with the earliest piece of news, but first, some background. I used to live and work in Dublin. With Covid-19 and extortionate rental prices in the city, my partner and I had no choice but to relocate to a commuter town. What was an 8-hour work day with an easy commute, became an 8-hour work day, plus 2 hours commute either way. I have a hybrid arrangement, and work from home two days a week.

    The three days I commute, I am out of my house more than 12 hours – I leave my house at 6.30AM, and walk back in my door around 7.30PM. Needless to say, I am absolutely exhausted on my commuting days – no energy for socialising, exercising, adulting, none of it. Needless to say, I want to work locally. And have been applying for about a year, had some interviews, with no success. Until recently – and we’ll leave it there, until contracts are signed.

    Next of the news to share – my mother-in-law (MIL) is here visiting for the month of June. She arrived on the sixth. She connected through Paris – she disembarked her flight on time. But, Charles-De-Gaulle airport is like a maze. And she doesn’t have English or French. She got lost in Terminal 2 for more than 3 hours. By the time she made it to her connecting flight terminal, the connecting flight had taken off. We had to emergency purchase another flight 2 hours later. It was 3PM when she walked out of Dublin Airport, when she should have been her by 12PM.

    The next thing to happen was my partner’s car got vandalised. Someone keyed his car – 3 out of 4 sides. We drove the car Tuesday, no scratches. Friday, scratches. And the only car to be keyed. Feels deliberate to me, targeted even. So, we called the police, they asked me to go to the station to make an official report, which I did. I have never interacted with the police before this way. My experience with the police is crowd-control, patrolling and traffic checks. I presented my evidence, told the story, the reason I think it happened. The policeman said he would swing by on Monday to have a look at the car himself, but if there is no CCTV footage, we are unlikely to find out who did it.

    Today, day 2.5 of having my MIL, we went to an Irish heritage site nearby. It was extremely interesting, alot of stories about Tuath De Deanann, Eiru, all sorts of old Irish folklores. It was a great day, alot of walking – if you live in Ireland, or are visiting, I recommend looking up some of the heritage sites, found all over the country. A rental car is recommended, as the public transport here will get you to towns, not really to these sites.

    So yeah, it’s been an eventful few days. Today is June 8th, and I will keep you updated on the job front and the police report, as/if they progress.